Category Archives: Life in Community

The Temptation

Posted on by under Journal Entry, Life in Community

We are meditating this morning on the passage in Luke 4 of the temptation of Jesus. One of the thoughts that struck me is that one of the greatest temptations we face is power over other people. This temptation will always lead us to assume roles that we were never intended by God to hold even with the best of intentions. 

The temptations Jesus faced (or rather how he faced them) were all about Jesus defining how he was going to be Israel’s true king. The temptation was: do what you need to do to achieve what you need to achieve. The end justifies the means. 

As I interact with many broken people (and even reflect on much of my own brokenness) I see in them the effects of so many well intentioned leaders who have bought into the lie that Jesus was offered-“You were promised the throne and the nation’s-there is another, more expedient, more practical way…” The way Jesus chose was humility, service…, death. It was a path of suffering, difficulty and sacrifice. It wasn’t to use his authority and power for cheap stunts and shows of prestige, it was to restore life and strengthen others. 

Many strong, godly, visionary leaders have succumbed to the lie that the end, if it’s a God-given end, actually can justify the means. I have come to believe, however, that the only person I can expect to die to him/herself take up his/her cross and follow Jesus is myself. While others may join in, it is their surrender to Jesus that enables them to do so. No leader should sacrifice someone else on the alter of the vision God has given to them. 

The expediency and urgency of achieving a vision or goal or strategy at the expense or neglect of those who commit to joining with a leader to see it reached is one of the most devastating failures of leadership I have experienced as a counselor. Sadly it is rarely the intention of most leaders. Nevertheless it seems to be a common blind spot. 

What we learn from Jesus’ example in the temptations is that the path he chose to become Israel’s true king is just as important as being king. The path he chose to liberate his people and the world is equally important to our liberation as the freedom itself. It is how we are to walk out being his hands and feet in bringing his freedom to the world. Humility over power and authority; self sacrifice over self promotion; deferring honor to others rather than expecting to be honored; empowerment over using others. These are just a few examples of how Jesus teaches us to lead and how to follow. 

Jesus turned away from the mass demonstration of his power and authority and instead engaged at the lowest levels of society bringing healing, restoring life, and breaking bonds at the messiest, most intimate level-peoples brokenness. This is how he became king.

I’m faced with the question this morning, in my nine’s heart’s desire to be seen and known for having something of value to offer, to not be invisible, can I shine the spotlight on others instead and highlight their contributions? Even if it means I get no credit? Can my three-friends embrace, this morning, the truth that how they achieve their goals is just as important to God-if not more so-as the goal itself? 

There is a question in the story of Jesus temptations for each of us that drives to the very heart of our compulsive selves and asks us to be courageous enough to challenge how we obey not just our willingness to be obedient. 

Are We Listening?

Posted on by under Discernment, Life in Community

One of the greatest challenges in being a counselor, for me at least, is to quiet my mind in order to be present to someone. My mind is always at work, trying to anticipate what the person is saying, trying to figure out what to say myself. Being present means not interrupting, not finishing sentences, not inserting personal anecdotes—“Oh that reminds me of a time when I…” It is hard work and something I do not always do well.

When people come to me asking for help to better communicate with one another, one of the primary hurdles they have to overcome is in learning how to listen to one another. Perhaps there is already a history of hurt and invalidation that makes hearing difficult. Perhaps it is in the way the other speaks to them that causes defensive walls to come up. Whatever the cause, the issue is fairly consistent—it is hard work to learn how to listen beyond how one feels about what the other is saying and truly listen to their words.

Most of us can think of times when we have felt invalidated because someone who was important to us in some way failed to hear what we were actually saying. Instead of

listening, they assumed, presumed, or drew conclusions that revealed that they did not truly hear what we were saying. This kind of scenario can lead us to feel invisible. Not listening well can quickly break down trust and cause damage in relationships.

Listening is one of the greatest gifts we can offer in community with one another. Listening is minute-by-minute submission (Johnson, 24-25). Listening means not thinking about what you want to say as soon as the other person stops. Listening means not rebutting or defending yourself. Listening means not evaluating what the other is saying so that you can argue their point. This kind of hearing is “half-listening” when our minds are only half-hearing what the other is saying while the other half is thinking about what we want to say or how it is making us feel. Dietrich Bonheoffer described this kind of half-hearing like this:

There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak (Life Together, 98).

The half-hearing that Bonheoffer speaks of is a me-first kind of listening that shuts the other person down, controls the conversation, and gets what it wants. It is the opposite of respecting the other person and showing them the dignity that one who is created in the image of God deserves. This is why listening is a gift. It is why I say it requires minute-by-minute submission. I constantly have to be on my guard of myself—quieting my mind, listening to what is said not to how it makes me feel or what I might think about it.

In closing, I want to add that we can be so preoccupied with the truth (or our perception of it) that we have a hard time listening. Listening well does not assume agreement. We can learn to let others be heard and even affirm how they feel without having to agree with what they are saying. Often, by listening, our own understanding of truth can be developed and enhanced. And, often, when someone feels truly heard and understood, the defenses they had built up around their false ideas and beliefs can come down and they find themselves in a place where they can be affected by the transformational love of God. in other words, listening well can actually create the kind of space that ushers in the work of the Holy Spirit that sets thing aright.